There is experience.
And there are experiences.
One happens.
The other we create.
One is undervalued.
The other overused.
One is about life.
The other has been co-opted by marketing speak.
I want to talk about the former – experience.
I was having breakfast with my friend Max Alexander when he shared the following MAXISM with me:
“Experience is something you get right after you need it.”
We were sitting in a typical U.S.-style “Greek” diner that served a special “Spanish”-themed breakfast (changing neighborhoods), eating a traditional “American” hot breakfast of steel-cut (as opposed to plastic cut?) “Irish” oatmeal and ripe cantaloupe – okay, maybe a bit eclectic – drinking endless cups of coffee – bottomless cups, it’s a diner! – and all of this early last Thursday morning, the day of Thanksgiving for all of my U.S. readers.
The topic was, what should we really be thankful for and what are the barriers that keep us from being grateful? What makes people bitter – what keeps them spinning around negative energy and thoughts and stops them from seeing the good?
Hence the MAXISM.
Max – an accomplished performer – had a kidney transplant a few years ago (his brother – also my friend – was the donor). The operation was followed by a stroke, and all was followed by a grueling regimen of therapy and rehab.
Clearly nothing in his life had prepared him for the ordeal – no experience could possibly have given him a clue – so what he needed he didn’t learn until after.
And yet – he kept perspective; kept his smile and wit – never got bitter and as he got better only got better – if you catch my drift.
And the MAXISMs are there to help his friends – because the truth is, experience might be too late for any of us as it happens – but share it as learning and it’s there when you need it.
Because here is the final and ultimate truth (at least to me). Listen:
“Even on the highest throne in the world, we are still sitting on our ass.”
Michel de Montaigne
And there you have it. You never know when you might undergo an experience – none of us is too big or important – that if someone else had taken the time to share theirs, you might be better prepared for. But even then – it’s your experience and by definition it’s different and too late – so keep perspective – learn – stay positive and then share – who knows what throne your ass might have shared….
What do you think?
P.S. Look up de Montaigne – he and Max would have been friends.
A big revelation to me is that there is mind and then there is experience.
Experience is false – it is a lie, and illusion. A rationalized memory, not a truth. This does not mean that you cannot learn from it, but the memories and the mind should not be identified with. Emotions as well, should not be identified with. Once you identify with your mind and your emotions (“I feel this way because this person is doing this thing I don’t like” or “I did this thing and it is good/bad”) then you cannot learn, grow, be present, or act rationally. You will be recreating your past pain again and again until you can understand that you are not your mind, you are not your feelings. They are left over tools from our past and we must evolve beyond them on the individual level, and hence, on the collective level, if we are to survive as a species.
Examine yourself and you will see this is the truth. Perhaps you will ‘medidate’ to view the mind from the objective perspective of the witness, but this is momentary and any true seeker will see that meditation is a dangerous thing because it is an external ‘act’ and so many will mis-understand. There is a koan:
The zen student is sitting and has a horrible vision. He gets up and runs to his master. “Master master! I had a horrible vision!”
“Drop it,” the master replies.
Then the student goes and sits to meditate and starts having erotic fantasies, and visions of angels, and contemplates the meaning of life and space and time.
The master sneaks up behind the student and whacks him with a stick. “Drop it!” the master says.
Zen masters often would sneak up behind thier students to whack them with a stick to demonstrate to them that they were not being attentive. if they were identifying with thier thoughts they would not be present enough to notice the teacher sneaking up on the student.
My favorite thing of all that demonstrates where the present is and has helped me to understand what being present is is this question: “What is missing? Right now, what is missing?”
You will say “oh this is missing or this is bad.” Is that right now? No but this could go wrong or what if this happens? Is my phone charged am I ready?…. Is that right now? No… So what is missing? Nothing. So just breath. Then the monkey mind will start again and you will start to see that you identify with it. You are trapped in a cage. You are not free – you are a slave to your mind. Learn about it though observation – nothing external – turn the mind in on itself.
We must take the experience of meditation and extend it to every moment. We must become concious and present moment to moment. And so we realize that meditation is a lie because we do not meditate and the act we try to accomplish in meditation must extend beyond meditation to the acts of eating, breathing, walking, talking, etc so that we stop the identification with the emotion. Often it will be an especially painful moment that causes us to start to look, but you think that your act of jealousy or anger is different than your regular state – it is not – it is the same just more extreme. You have a constant underlying anxiety – a noise that you do not hear. You must recognize this and your identification with it and your mind to succeed in stopping the pain you are inflicting on yourself and the world. And you numb yourself with distractions, tv, food, momentary distraction from your pain. This only prolongs it. You must face it head on with all of your might. Do this and you will know joy greater than any pleasure you have ever known.
I am going to bet that your friend Max had parents, grandparents and perhaps even greatgrandparents who talked him about what life brings to us–who loved him and taught him to love. The bond between Max and his brother is an example of that as well. If we are fortunate to have those bonds then we without knowing it we are ready for…well nearly everything. So my guess is that Max was able to draw on what he already knew–but had never had to use–the experience of those who loved him
the bonds….think on that folks…
Hi David,
My thoughts from far-away Belgium on this philosophical post…
The way I see it, experience doesn’t just “happen”… it is also created. It is created every day, by everyone of us, with everything we do. Every day of your life is filled with choices. You create experiences by the choices you make. And your experience grows by evaluating those choices.
It would be an illusion to think past experiences can prepare you for what life will bring. As Heraclitus wrote: “Panta rhei”. “Everything flows”. Something you have experienced in the past may help you to deal with a similar situation that overcomes you, but, as you wrote, by definition, it’s different.
If we can agree on that, it would seem wise to just strive to be the best person you can possibly be, every day of your life. For in doing that, you create an experience of giving & learning, not only for yourself, but also for your environment. And to me, that seems valuable. Noble. And good.
And I personally feel the key to success in life lies there also. You cannot choose the way you were raised, but you ARE free to make your own choices in life. Morality is – at least partially – given to us by nature. If you can appreciate that and act upon it, then you’ve meant something in life.
The choices we have to make aren’t always easy, but I strongly believe that moral & ethical peace gives you the edge needed to choose wisely, and gives you the determination needed to turn an experience or an idea into a success.
I read alot of Descartes and Plato in Jason’s response.
I guess I could agree on many of the statements posed. To me, the core thoughts are: “Question yourself”, and: “Don’t let your environment determine who you become (read Plato’s ‘allegory of the cave’, Spinoza, Sartre)”.
My 2¢
Sven